doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
