my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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