I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i believe in u and ur pee
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
