o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
