My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
