I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
