there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
