I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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