I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
