How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
