Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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