We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
