I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
