i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize