you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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