We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
