I love black thongs
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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