Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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