well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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