Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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