I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
this boner is exhausting
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
