We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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