I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
