When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dignity is for republicans.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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