i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
