I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
