Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The air was thick with penises
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
