I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
