highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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