my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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