I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
