I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The air was thick with penises
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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