8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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