when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
