I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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