We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
PANTIES FOUND
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