Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
