carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
