If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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