Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
