He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
