They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
