Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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