found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize