his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
