I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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