I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
