I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
