I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am available for nakedness
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
