so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
