he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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