i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
