We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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