I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
