So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
