She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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