its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
