You can't motorboat a personality
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
