I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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