the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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