I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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