I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
In other news, I just burned my penis
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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