Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
