we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
