i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
