proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
