I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
