There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
