You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
