Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
