You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
