They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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