New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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