Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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