I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
