if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
